Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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