oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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