They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
