Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
