It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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