Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
