When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
