do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize