She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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