You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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