Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
