Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
