Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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