Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
