you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
