Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
