Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize