I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
