Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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