just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
