I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she smelled like a LAN party
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
