I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
