An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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