I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
