Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she pinky promised me she was 18
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
