And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
