PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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