You're so nebulous sometimes
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
