He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
