Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
