We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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