Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
