I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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