omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
