A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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