Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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