I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
