Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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