I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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