This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
