No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
