Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
