I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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