i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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