Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have post one night stand depression
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