Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
