I'm so fucking centered right now
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're too hungover to prance.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize