Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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