like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
