what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
