I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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