She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
porn star boner night. come get it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
