but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
