...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
