Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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