It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
