brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
