i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
