oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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