I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
