she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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