even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
