Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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