This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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