she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
