obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
