Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize