We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
