I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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