im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
