just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
