I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
