IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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