I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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